3 things your inner critic says (and what to tell it instead)
You know that voice?
The one that pipes up right when you're about to try something new. It says things like, "Who do you think you are?" "You'll just embarrass yourself." "Maybe next year."
It sounds so sure of itself. So reasonable. It even sounds a little like you.
Here's the thing: that voice gives terrible advice.
Imagine a friend who said those things to you every single day. You'd stop calling them! Yet many of us let our inner critic run the show for decades without questioning a word of it.
Your inner critic isn't trying to ruin your life. It's trying to keep you safe. Your brain is designed to be fast, efficient and protective, so it takes the path of least resistance and keeps you right where it's comfortable. But safe doesn't always mean good. Sometimes safe just means stuck.
Out of everything your critic says, I hear these three the most. Let's take them one at a time.
"You're not good enough."
Good enough for what, and compared to whom? This one is sneaky, because it never gives a measuring stick. You can't win a game with no finish line. Nobody starts out as an expert. Everyone you admire was once a beginner.
Tell your inner critic this instead: "I don't have to be great. Prefectionism isn’t required."
Do the work: Name one thing you've gotten better at over time. Remember who you were when you started.
"Things will never change."
When you feel stuck, your critic loves to say "always" and "never." But feelings aren't facts. Seasons change, people change, and so can your situation. It may not happen overnight, but it won't happen at all if you stay put.
Tell your inner critic this instead: "This is where I am right now, not where I'll always be."
Do the work: What's one small thing that has changed for the better in your life, even something tiny?
"Just wait until you're ready."
This is the sneakiest of them all, because it sounds responsible. But "ready" is a moving target. If you wait until you feel completely ready, you may be waiting a very long time. Confidence usually shows up after you take the step, not before.
Tell your inner critic this instead: "I'll get ready by getting started."
Do the work: What's the tiniest first step you could take in the next 24 hours
Coach Yourself: Talk Back to the Critic
Try this the next time that voice shows up:
1. Catch it. Notice the thought and write it down, word for word. Seeing it on paper takes away some of its power.
2. Question it. Ask, "Is this actually true? Would I say this to a friend?"
3. Rewrite it. Turn it into something kind and honest. Not fake-positive, but believable. ("I'm nervous, and I can still do this.")
4. Take one small step. Action is the best answer to a critic. Do something tiny, even if your critic grumbles.
Give it a name if you like. Some people picture the critic as a grumpy little cartoon character, and it's much harder to take advice from a cartoon. 😂
And be patient with yourself. You won't silence it overnight. The goal isn't to get rid of the critic, it's to stop letting it drive.
Here's the bottom line
You wouldn't take advice from someone who's wrong most of the time. So why take it from your inner critic?
You are good enough, things can change, and you don't have to be ready to begin. What will you tell your inner critic today?
If you'd like a guide on your journey, someone to help you see what you might be missing and cheer you on along the way, I'm here! Book a free coaching consult and let's talk about what's next.
In Your Corner!
Linda ♡